0499772642 gwen@equipcc.com.au

Normal Equality

by | Oct 5, 2017 | LGBTIQ, Life, Straight Allies | 0 comments

Feature illustration by, Andrew Grant.

 

 

I was having a discussion with a motel owner about the role of the Rainbow Tick, in that informs LGBTIQ individuals and couples, that the business is safe, welcoming and values equality. She responded by stating that her motel business was safe and welcoming to gay couples, but then as a way of post script, she leant in and added that gay couples were not normal. I was taken aback by her comment and I strongly doubt that she was aware of any homophobic sentiment. What if somebody near the conversation had heard this, and just heard that they are ‘not normal,’ and therefore, by definition, are ‘abnormal?’ I doubt that they would then consider her motel to be safe.

I believe that for her as a heterosexual woman, the idea of a same sex couple, was out of ‘her normal’. Her mistake, was assuming that ‘her normal’, was everybody else’s normal. This is often how judgements begin and get cultivated. One may judge according what they regard as ‘normal’, they find a few others who share a common idea of ‘normal’, and a declaration is made. We are ‘normal’ and others are not.
What if your ‘normal’ consists of negative events and negative reactions from others? I picked up a hitchhiker on a cold night this past winter who became overwhelmed when kindness was given. He sat in the passenger seat, with his dog at his feet and after some small talk, I asked if he had eaten. At this point he began to weep, he had not eaten. I offered him a hot meal at my home with my family to which he declined. He apologised for getting upset, and explained that times have been hard and that he was broke. He wept again, and apologised again. Before he got out of my car I offered him some money, of which he accepted and I wished him all the very best. He responded with gratitude, thanked me again and again, and told me that I was a kind lady. As I drove away, I was aware of his response to my kindness, and my own feeling of awkwardness as well as feeling quite humbled by this.

Then a contrast, I was in an unfamiliar car park, when an approaching car blasted its horn at me. I wasn’t in her way, but the nose of my car had crept forward slightly, waiting to get out of a parking bay. As she drove past me, she tapped the side of her head and made an exasperated expression. It looked like she was suggesting that I was some kind of idiot. I don’t know by what ‘normal’ she was judging me by, but she was rather insulting. What disturbed me most about this encounter is that generally within our culture, abrupt, aggressive and hostile responses are increasingly accepted as ‘normal’ – perhaps that was the ‘normal’ she was using. So, to one, I was judged as kind, and to another, an idiot.

Bring this concept to the current issue of equality for the LGBTIQA+ community, and from what I can tell, those who oppose equality, do not know what it is like to have the ‘normal’ of being on the receiving end of inequality. And from the comfort of the hetero-normative equality, they state that a same-sex marriage is not ‘normal’. To make matters worse, their defence against equality, is to say that their own ‘normal’ will come under threat if equality is given to the LGBTIQA+ community. This defence reveals their ignorance of what the LGBTIQA+ community have had to endure, and how long and hard they have had to fight. It hardly seems fair that those who may consider the LGBTIQA+ community to be abnormal, now get to have a say regarding the future of that community.

What kind of ‘normal’ are you cultivating? How willing are you to accept the ‘normal’ of another? Are you aware of how your responses to another, may be determined by your own normal experience? For my hitchhiker, kindness seemed to be outside of his normal, whereas showing him kindness was part of mine. For the car park lady, I wonder if her response to me was part of her normal. And for the LGBTIQA+ community, I hope the day will come when equality is regarded as part of everybody’s normal.

www.equipcc.com.au

Gwen Shand – 0499772642

Email: gwen@equipcc.com.au

If you have any queries about the content of this article, or any matter that you wish to discuss, you can contact me via email: gwen@equipcc.com.au

 

Feature illustration by, Andrew Grant.

 About Gwen,

Gwen is a school teacher, counsellor, author and presenter.  Gwen’s counselling practice caters particularly for children, adolescents, teachers and parents, as well as generalised counselling. She works with individuals in relation to mental health and wellbeing. Gwen is the author of Bully Resilience: Changing the Game. See www.equipcc.com.au for more information.

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