When…To Live is Pain

When life is in a state of deep despair with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness; then to live is pain.  When life contains the perception that you cannot bear the experience of your own life; then to live is pain.  When you can perceive of no possible outcome; positive, negative nor neutral, and with each day is the laborious chore of having to participate in a life that you consider cares little for you; then to live is pain.

Now use your imagination:  Imagine a person, or maybe you – you stare ahead blankly with your vision filled with only your thinking, or what seems like nothing at all.  Life has been increasingly difficult; perhaps a string of traumatic events; perhaps mingled with vicarious trauma where one feels the pain of others; perhaps a struggle for acceptance; perhaps a wrestle between sexuality and cultural demands, or the wrestle between the gender you know you are, which is different to the gender that others see;  perhaps loss; perhaps financial debt; perhaps the ongoing internal battle with your own mind telling you things that you do not want to hear; perhaps you have the idea that the world really would be better if you were no longer in it…and does anybody else even know or care?

If life were to stop, then the suffering would stop!

If only it could STOP!

ENDED!

The scream of the distorted reality forbids any perception of a future that could be marginally better than what is currently known.

However, the person who considers the benefit of bringing about the STOP, fortunately may have some thread of connection to something or someone.  This thread causes the thought of the negative impact that this STOP will have on the other.  That bad feeling now opens up like a gaping hole; they collapse to their knees and hang their head in absolute defeat.
They can’t even bring about the STOP.

The weight they felt before has just increased by ten, one hundred, one thousand times – to the point of crushing.  And while the rest of the world cheers and says ‘Hooray, this person didn’t take their own life,’ for the sufferer, they have possibly made the most painful and courageous decision that they could have made, because now, to live is pain.  They feel doomed to keep living.

Suicide prevention is vital.  We need to have the courage to ask another if they have considered taking their own life and if they have a plan.  However, living in a post-suicidal moment is a time when that person needs to be embraced, gently held, and not condemned for the place they found themselves in.  They need one who will sit with them until the moment has passed, or the distorted reality that is mental illness has gained some level of recovery.

We need to be attentive to each other.
We need to remember that if the story does not stop, then it must continue…
…and continue it will.

Call Life Line 13 11 14 if you need help – then call another.

About Gwen

Gwen is a school teacher, counsellor, author and presenter.  Gwen’s counselling practice caters particularly for children, adolescents, teachers and parents, as well as generalised counselling. She works with individuals in relation to mental health and wellbeing. Gwen is the author of Bully Resilience: Changing the Game. See www.equipcc.com.au for more information.